Five Christmas Songs That Need To Be Retired

There are a few things in life that I know with an unwavering sense of assuredness. I know that if the story you were telling wasn’t about either Macaroni & Cheese or my impending death, then I wasn’t listening to it. I know that before any Jason Derulo song that Jason Derulo is going to scream “JaAssson DeruUuulooo”…

Nancy Meyers Movies, Ranked

Nancy Meyers is a gem. Akin to an emerald or a diamond, Nancy shines brighter than 10 million light bulbs or Edward Cullen’s skin in sunlight. Often referred to as “the voice of love” by myself and literally no one else, Nancy Meyers was, and currently is, a pioneer in women’s filmmaking after writing, producing…

My Birthdays, Ranked

This Sunday, on August 27th, I will be celebrating my 26th birthday. It’s that wonderful time of my life when I’ll drunkenly lose both my shoes and my mother’s healthcare benefits all in one fell swoop. All of my life, I’ve never been a huge fan of birthdays, as they tend to include two of my…

The Bachelorette Week 4 Recap: Lee Needs To Lee-ave.

The Bachelorette returned from its one-week hiatus to bring us even more of what we can’t get enough of: inherently childish fights between fully grown ass men. Racist Lee, who is a racist, has unwisely pivoted from being just a scrawny, bag of ass, loser into scrawny, bag of ass, villain. First, he got into a…

Every *NSYNC Song, Ranked Worst to Best

Life is full of complex and fascinating questions. What is the meaning of life? What happens after we die? When Bruno Mars was standing next to Taylor Swift at the 2013 VMA’s, why didn’t they give him a box to step onto? And lastly, what is *NSYNC’s greatest song? I’ve spent the last 18 years…