Five Christmas Songs That Need To Be Retired

There are a few things in life that I know with an unwavering sense of assuredness. I know that if the story you were telling wasn’t about either Macaroni & Cheese or my impending death, then I wasn’t listening to it. I know that before any Jason Derulo song that Jason Derulo is going to scream “JaAssson DeruUuulooo”…

My Birthdays, Ranked

This Sunday, on August 27th, I will be celebrating my 26th birthday. It’s that wonderful time of my life when I’ll drunkenly lose both my shoes and my mother’s healthcare benefits all in one fell swoop. All of my life, I’ve never been a huge fan of birthdays, as they tend to include two of my…

Worst Yelp Reviews, Ranked

Yelp is a magical place where people can post a review for just about anything. It’s also a place where businesses realize that their product is about as valuable as a shirt made entirely out of braised lentils. When customers get mad, they can get vicious. When they get vicious, they get fiery. Someone call…